From Delhi to Haridwar: AAC expansion and Guruji's divine sermons

by Arya Vaishnavi

How do I even begin writing what you have bestowed upon me Guruji? I really dont know how to convey the essence of your divine outpouring on me in words but I shall still try from my being.

Even before your arrival in Delhi, you bestowed upon me your eternal Grace and compassion, allowing me to do seva for you by setting up your new dham in Delhi. The fact that I could do so is itself a blessing that is beyond my own comprehension. To be able to do things for Guruji and Guru Family is the ultimate service. So for that I bow down to your lotus feet and thank you endlessly.

The day you arrived in Delhi, I could feel the existence shift. How the divine mother made it rain to wash away everything so that once you stepped in, everything was not just clean but pious. It was no ordinary rain, it was mother Ganga herself coming down to the Earth from heaven. The wind carried your grace, the subtle coolness in the midst of the scorching heat was a respite to every soul, bodied or bodyless. Even Surya dev melted with love and his sunrays radiated an ethereal glow.

When you were on the way from the airport, I couldn't simply sit still. When I learned that you were nearby, I went down and stood on the road anticipating your holy arrival.

The moment I saw you, I was complete. There was a stillness in me, that is possible only through your grace. The 'Arya' that i think exists, stopped existing in that very moment.

As your lotus feet touched the staircase of Delhi AAC, the entire area became pious. So pious, that I could feel deities descending all around just to catch a glimpse of you.

Throughout your stay at Delhi AAC, you and Gurumaa blessed me to serve you and absorb your divinity. I was smiling endlessly, not just from my face or heart but from my being. Your love enveloped me. The way Sindhu Di hugged me cannot be expressed in words. To be able to even touch the Guru family is rarest of the rarest.

When I am with you, I am complete, I am at home Guruji. With you, is where I belong. You showered me with compassion and illuminated my being. But it was not my being that was lit. You gave your light to me.

Multiple times have I cried in this trip. At one point of time in AAC Delhi, when you were sitting in between all the shisyas and newcomers, I could no longer see you Guruji. I only saw Shri Vishnu. And I couldn't even see the AAC. What I saw was Shri Vishnu sitting in the middle of a vast expanse while infinite beings began approaching, knowing that only you are the respite. Knowing that you are the truth.

While the people who came spoke of their worldly troubles, they didnt know that why they bowed to your lotus feet was being their beings longed to merge with you. They were unaware on the surface level that you are the beginning and the end. That you are the source and they came rushing to merge into the Parambramha.

At the moment, I couldn't help but shed my tears. I even told Sindhu di that what I felt in that moment was Shri Vishnu pouring his love and compassion upon every unworthy soul just like he did to Sudama.

I offered lotuses to KamalNayan himself. How do I express the magnanimity of this moment in words? Its not possible. I can simply feel and long for you Guruji. Like you said, "this moment cannot be brought back."

This is so true. Because every moment with you is not just golden. It is the culmination of one's birth. It all begins with you and ends with you.

The way Gurumaa was bestowing gifts and blessings to everyone so elaborately, I saw Maa Lakshmi herself. The way she fed us, it was Maa Annapurna herself. How do I convey this feeling in words? Its impossible for this unworthy soul.

Fast forward to Sukrataal and AAC Haridwar, again you delivered your divine sermon to us numerous times. We will never know the true meaning or the extent of it because we are not even worthy of it.

At Sukrataal and every temple that we went, nothing caught my eye except you. I long for you and you only Guruji so even if I tried to connect to the holy tree or Sukhdev ji's samadhi, I couldn't fully do so because my entire awareness and heart was with you. All I wanted was to be at your lotus feet.

When I am anywhere with you, the place doesn't excite me. It does nothing. Because you are my home. At your lotus feet, I belong.

In fact, Guruji. It was never the temples. Never the deities. Never the meditation nor the satsang. It was and always will be you that is the whole point of it all. It is you who carries the silence. It is you, who gives the experience. It is you who bestows everything, for you are the bestower. Everything and everyone else is on the receiving end.

So there is no point in paying even seconds-worth of awareness to anything but your holy self.

Fools are they who think that God resides in temples. Fools are they who think meditation will lead them to the self. Fools are they who think they can touch the aathman. Fools are they who think they can see the truth. For you are the Truth. You are the path and the destination. Everything else is a mere mirage. I could go on Guruji but words will never do justice because no language has ever been created that can convey your glory. No expression is ever enough to wholly explain your greatness. Nothing is ever enough because we are no one. YOU and only YOU are there. You are the existence itself. You are the creator. You are the destroyer. You are the mother. You are the father. You are the love. You are the divine light that shines in us through Your grace alone. For we, dont have any existence apart from you.

A letter to the bestower from humble servant:

Guruji, the moment we reached the banks of Ganga, a sudden depth arose both within and around me. The whole setup looked otherworldly Guruji. It was not a common sight. You took us to a different loka that time Guruji.

Everything was so alive at that moment, Ganga Maa was in her glory, Moon was shining bright over you like a spotlight, the sand was sparkling like glitter. It was all so magical.

While everyone was having fun, enjoying the water and throwing water on each other, I was immensely still within. For me, that moment was so sacred that I could not even talk much. I was walking with awareness, rooted within and waiting to follow your instructions.

I already knew that the water would be ice cold, still it had no affect on my mind. I went and sat on one of the steps and just felt the depth of the space. I couldn't bring myself to talk much and I could not enter the river before you dipped your holy feet. So I simply waited and soaked in the divinity. I was wonderstruck and dumbfounded at the same time.

I was like a child witnessing something grand for the first time. As soon as you went inside the water, I also stepped in. It was so cold but I kept my composure, I stood in Maa Ganga with my body submerged upto my waist. Step by step, I lowered myself until my I was submerged till my neck. And finally I sat in padmasn. The whole process was sacred, it was not like a casual dip. Every movement I made was with reverence for YOU and Maa.

The fact that we were all in the same river as you was not something to be taken lightly. It is more sacred than anything. I closed my eyes and felt an empty space. The river, the sky, the moon, my body, and everything else was just one vast space, I can't define it because I can neither say it was nothing nor something.

So, for a lack of better words, I would say, it was everything all at once. Just an infinite void, within me and outside me. Actually, there was no inside or outside. It was the grace that you, the bestower, bestowed upon this unworthy soul, Guruji.

You gave me your light that illuminated the darkness in the form of ignorance about the TRUTH. You had erased the false impression that other things or people exist separately. You had removed that segregation all together Guruji.

So when I closed my eyes while submerged in Ganga, I could see no separation. There was no one single point to put an awareness to, it was awareness itself. 'I' was awareness itself.

While writing this, I have messed up the chronology a little bit Guruji so please forgive me. I sat submerged in the water after you washed away both my sins and my existence as an entity separate from you. When it was my turn to bow down to your lotus feet and recive your ultimate karuna as you poured Ganga water on me 9 times, I was totally finished. I couldn't help but stay there with my hands folded as tears flowed out of my eyes. Because thats where my place is... at your lotus feet. At that moment, I prayed to you Guruji, that "I dont know what my path is, and I dont want to know either, I just want to be with you, so please always keep me with you."

And that is my only prayer to you Guruji. Always and forever keep me at your lotus feet Guruji.

When you told me to get up, I asked you to pour the water one more time, making it a total of 10 times. I honestly dont know why I did that but I knew I needed that. And as I got up and went on to sit in the water, I couldn't help but cry. It was like an uncontrollable outburst, I couldn't even understand the depth of it fully, hence I asked Madan bhaiya that I dont know what is happening to me. He told me that my entire generation, both past and future, had been waiting for this moment only.

I don't know anything Guruji, I just want to be your servant always. Please forgive me for my errors Guruji.