Invitingly Dangerous

By Srimadhan

Part I

It was an ordinary day. I was madly working in the office, and I didn’t know it was about to change. I became aware of a rise in my energy levels. Suddenly, everything within and around me changed. The change was so fast, but I was aware. My long journey with Guruji has taught me that my awareness is different when Guruji thinks of me, and this one was Guruji’s.

I was waiting for something to happen. Mostly, it is a call from Guruji or a call from his close disciple on Guruji’s behalf. Sometimes there is no call, and hence nothing happens outside, but everything happens just inside. My waiting was not in vain. I got a call from a fellow seeker, and he informed me that Guruji has decided to publish a monthly magazine. I immediately knew it was not only information, but it was an “actionable” for me as well.

Being a disciple, I knew that it was my duty and responsibility to contribute to the noble cause. However, I was waiting for the words. Though I have received the guruji’s energy and blessings, and I was aware, I was waiting for the words as well. What was I waiting for? Every Guruji’s disciple carries him, and every Guruji’s word carries him, especially if it is from a close disciple; they carry it as a treasure.

For the better understanding of the readers, I repeat that Guruji’s “disciples” carry him and his “words” carry him. Words and “something” other than it also travel with the words.

That “something” is not definable.

That “something” is infinite.

That “something” is inexpressible.

That “something” is the god.

Being aware of “something” and the “words” prompted me to start the work. I immediately promised the seeker that I would send the material from the side in 2 days' time. I knew that it was the easy part. The tough part was about to come. I have to title the content and write the content. I felt naming is not tough, but writing about Guruji and writing about the journey with him is tough. I have to express the inexpressible. I have to venture into the unknown territory like a child.

But I was confident that I could do justice, as it was Guruji who had “ordered” me to write. Amidst the tight work schedule, I stopped the work and prayed to Guruji to give me a good title. My memory went back a week. I took my daughter Thrshika, a 13-year-old, to 4 temples in a 2-3 hour span. When coming back home after the temple visits, I asked my daughter, what comes to your mind when you think of Guruji.

She immediately said Guruji is “invitingly dangerous.” "Sometimes when he sees me, it seems that he scans my aathman, sometimes he takes over me. When I am in his presence, I feel that I have been invaded by him." I got my title “invitingly dangerous”. Now the other part - writing the content comes up. I knew that I had to bring the essence of my long journey with Guruji.

Let me begin with the first meeting I had with Guruji.

My first meeting with Guruji:

Way back in 1994, I was in Madurai, a small town in South India, where my cousin Balaji talked about the meditation he was doing and about Guruji. It didn’t kindle my interest. It was just another piece of information to me. I didn’t realise he was my “saviour”. I didn’t know that I was destined to be in spirituality and be his disciple. I didn’t know that I had been his disciple for several births!

I came to Chennai in 1995 and learnt simplified kundalini yoga (sky) of Vedathri Maharishi on 12th june 1995. I received my initiation in “ajna” chakra and felt it immediately. Thereafter, I was meditating in ajna chakra for 2 years. I was going to the office and meditating 20-30 minutes every day. Everything was usual.

One day in 1997, Balaji invited me for the kumbabishekam of Gurulingaswamigal. I felt I had to go and went there with him. He introduced me to Guruji. Guruji just looked at me and said “vanga pa,” which literally couldn’t be translated. In loose English translation, “welcome”. I went to the first floor and was sitting there looking at the temple structure. Guruji came there along with another disciple of his and was clarifying his doubt. I was not looking at them, but I was unintentionally listening to them. My eyes moved in their direction, and I was struck by his presence. I didn’t know what struck me. But with the awareness I have now, I know it was “love at first sight”. It didn’t stop.

Guruji suddenly turned in my direction. Look at me and said…

..to be continued

Part 2

Guruji turned to me and said, “Do not take this information, it is not for you, it is for ‘him,’” i.e the recipient and recipient only.” I couldn’t understand his standpoint at that juncture; however, later in the course of the journey with him, I understood that Guruji responds to the situation, and it differs from recipient to recipient unless it is a common sharing of his being/wisdom.

Let us say, if the same question is asked to him now and after a minute, there is a probability that he might give a different answer. The answer depends on a person to person and the group to which Guruji is addressing. I just took the words and left the place. The “love” or guruji’s presence entered my being. I couldn’t recognise that at that time. I felt good, and I felt an ease in me. I was at peace. I felt I had become lighter.

Later, Balaji took me to Guruji’s home for a “professional consultation”. His play!! Guruji, at that point, was planning to buy a piece of land and, as a budding chartered accountant, wanted me to review the land documents and tell him if there was any issue with it. I went to Guruji’s home and sat there in a chair with a crossed leg position. I didn’t remember that I sat in the chair, and that too in a crossed leg position.

What a stupid I was. I didn’t know the respect part then. Guruji was compassionate towards me by allowing me to be who I was! He waited for me to transform myself and slowly taught me how to behave/be with him. When I think of it now, flying on the Chennai to Pune flight, my tears flow, thanking him. What a compassionate person he is, and what a fool I was. The best part of this incident is that this entire incident was narrated to me by Guruji’s mother. She recollected this incident after a span of 15 years of my travel with Guruji and told me how I had grown.

When one travels with Guruji, the traveller becomes subtle in all respects. He becomes subtle to the core. Subtlety is the essence of meditation/bhakthi. As a seeker becomes more subtle, their eyes, their nose, and their hearing become very different. They can sense the smells from a different distance. Their eyes see a different vision; sometimes they see beings which are from a different world. They see the space as the mother. They see Guruji as an embodiment of god. The mind comes to a stop. They are in a different world altogether.

Let us see one at a time - what the eyes see. They don’t see. They just give a cursory look. There is no energy given to seeing. Once a seeker matures, as lord krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita, the sense withdraws itself like a tortoise. For me, though I have read this from the Bhagavad Gita a lot of times, I couldn’t understand until it happened to me. One day, I was meditating in the Gurulingaswamy temple in Saidapet in the holy presence of Guruji.

I was in the “ajna chakra,” and after some time, I could understand that though my eyes were closed, the energy from my eyes went out of the body to a distance of 3-4 feet. Thereafter, I was taught how to withdraw the energy and keep it within the body. All this happened in a span of 1-2 minutes. The major understanding here is that unless Guruji or the saints teach us how to withdraw the senses, we will not be able to know. I understood how to withdraw the “eye sense”. If we learn to withdraw one sense, then all others will automatically follow and be known to us.

After my meditation, I explained this to Guruji, and he acknowledged and said that I have to work on my mind next, as it is the most subtle and the most important one. Whenever we share an experience or a learning, Guruji adds his wisdom on the subject to the seeker, thus enhancing the wisdom and knowledge of the seeker. After every meditation session with Guruji, he asks us to share our experience, and he adds his version to it. Sometimes he does not say anything and just nods to our words. Sometimes he asks all the seekers around to comment on the experience of the seeker. Sometimes he just leaves without hearing us.

I was wondering why Guruji acts so differently, but I couldn’t ask him. In the course of travel with him, I understood that whenever the seeker needs him, he is always there and that god only acts through him, so he doesn’t know, need not know, and sometimes it is open to his wish as well. Is it?

Part 3

I was asking my daughter Thrshika to define Guruji. I was expecting a known answer! I am no where in the plane. She said that “Guruji is like a curd rice with pickle taste” while Gurulingaswamigal is like a “tamarind rice with extra spice”. I have not encountered anyone who compares the taste with Guruji. She told me that “all of us eat the aura of guruji,” so whenever she eats guruji, she feels very comforted like a curd which has a pickle. What a way to express!

Going back to the question from the last article, “Guruji mostly acts on the will of god, and can he act on his own will?” The answer depends on the situation and the disciple. If the disciple is most open, Guruji becomes very compassionate and acts on his will and grants and automatically god does not have a choice and follows.

Defining the relationship of guru and god is most important here. The important point a disciple must note is that Guruji and god are one and the same. God is guru and guru is god. The disciple will not be able to apprehend this first; however, when a disciple sees Guruji, they must remember that he is a walking god in human form. Once the disciple apprehends this, the eyes of the disciple get filled with bhakti.

To add my experience here, I am not a disciple expressed love through my eyes. Because then I didn’t know how, and it had not been taught to me until one day, when Guruji was leaving for a temple late in the evening, around 7, 7:30 pm, I was with him at the doorstep of the Adambakkam residence of Guruji. Rathna Priya (aka Sindhu), Guruji’s 2nd daughter, has come outside to send off Guruji.

Guruji turned to me and said madhan, look at Sindhu’s eyes and continued to say that this is how a disciple must look at Guruji. I looked at the eyes of Sindhu. No words said, no words can explain this. It can only be experienced. I knew what Guruji meant, and as Guruji was standing nearby, gazing at me, I knew how a disciple's eyes would be. The transformation happened just by the mere thought of Guruji. If anyone personally asks me whether I can teach someone to have the “eyes of the disciple,” I can’t. It is by his grace and grace only that it will be imparted. Learning this is one of the important steps in a disciple’s life.

The importance of “eyes” dawned on me at the time. I realised that eyes are a gift from god “to see guruji, to see guruji in his full splendour, to serve guruji, to be with guruji and cherish his actions, style, his postures, his gait and much more..” Cherishing him every moment, seeing him and being with him. When you are one with existence, you feel that you can lay your life at the feet of the master at the moment itself. What a moment! What a realisation! What a way to live one’s life! What a way to end one’s life.

With Guruji, in silence, everything happens; the disciple is one with Guruji. Guruji is god, hence is one with god. The disciple first tastes the nectar of Guruji and understands the communication in silence. Guruji says that words are the lowest form of communication. I never understood that at that point. However, when Sindhu expressed her love towards Guruji, who imparted it to me.

Guruji exists and does not exist. Guruji speaks but does not speak. Guruji walks and does not walk. These happen simultaneously, hence a disciple always misses it at first. Later, Guruji makes the disciples understand this truth. He is both doing and not doing. He eats and does not eat. He lives and does not live at the same time. There is no way you can express this; this can just be known.

The gifted are the disciples who know this. The gifted are those who are with him. Gifted are those who think about him. Gifted are those who serve him. Gifted are those who are near him. Gifted are his disciples.

Part 4

Advaita philosophy is so simple. God is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. So only god exists. All of us are his forms only. Let’s make it complicated! Let us look at the following questions:

• Should a disciple following advaita differentiate god and guru?.

• Isn't going to the temple to pray to god sufficient?

• Will not god be our guru, guiding us?

• So, should we even go to a guru?

• Is guru greater than god? If so, how can it be?

By HH Guruji’s grace, let us try answering them:

God and guru are not different. God comes in the guru’s form. Hence, guru is god. There is no god other than the guru. There is none more superior than a guru as he imparts us the truth. Hence, a person who is devoted to the guru need not go to temples. He must aspire to be with the guru at all times. Whatever time he spends in any other place (even in temples) is a waste of time. Whatever a disciple thinks, it must be about the guru. Any thinking other than the guru's is a waste of time. At first, Guruji takes the thoughts very lightly.

But as our devotion grows, he occupies our entire thoughts.

He is our thought…

He is our mind...

He is our heart...

He is our aathman…

Without him, we don’t exist.

Going back to the questions, A guru need not be differentiated from god. Guru is god!

No. Going to the temple will not suffice. Our hearts should long to be in the vicinity of the guru at all times. God will aid us by taking us to our guru (99.99% of enlightenment in the world happens only by the guru’s grace). Yes, we must be with the guru always. Guru is greater than god as god indulges us in maya, but the guru frees the disciples from maya. Even if you ask 1000 saints 1000 times, the answer is one. Guru is greater than god because he is more compassionate.

I long to be with my Guruji.

I long to hear him.

I long to see him.

I long to see his eyes.

I long to see his gait.

I long to hear him utter the words.

I long to be in his presence.

I long to be in his silence.

In the long list of disciples, I stand last in the queue. But this can’t happen to everyone. Only the chosen ones can be with him. I am sure I am not the chosen one. But I wish I were a chosen one. What is in the disciple’s hands is to pray that HH Guruji give a chance to serve him at all times. Guru bhakti is the way of life. The rest will follow naturally. Praise HH Guruji!!

Part 5

Let us start with a poem

That which is silent in me is him

That which is active/non-active/passive is him

That which breathes through me is him

That which sees through me is him

That which is a witness in me is him

That which is aathman in me, is he only

Where is the question of 'me'?

What is there to know for a disciple other than this?

A seeker /bhaktha /devotee/disciple is said to have started the spiritual journey only when they know that they do not have the qualification (thagutthi – Tamil word for qualification) to say the guru or god’s name, see them and take their prasad. Whatever they are and whatever is in them is guru and guru only. They don’t exist. When they hear them, tears start flowing in them. That is the beginning

Let us try to understand this. If the above statement is true, then:

Why should we go to temples?

Why do we need to have any religious practices?

Why do we need to chant mantras?

Why do we have to meditate?

Why do we have to immerse ourselves in bhakthi?

The answer to these questions is simple. These practices are set up or given by great saints and passed on to generations so that mankind gets started in the journey to self-realisation. Without doing anything, we will not reach anywhere. We have to give our best efforts to realise oneself. The practices exist so that we can put our best foot forward towards self-realisation. In simple terms, these are the preparations one must undergo so that they know these basics. The actual seeking or discipleship begins only when we know that we are not qualified to see him, listen, pray to them and even think about them

Let us try answering them:

Why should we go to temples? – This is to know the importance of the guru/god

Why do we need to have any religious practices? – This is very important to know how limited we are, and even if we give our 100%, we are nowhere near self-realisation

Why do we need to chant mantras? – This is to know what our defects are and to perfect ourselves

Why do we have to meditate? – This is to know what our defects are and to perfect ourselves

Why do we have to immerse ourselves in bhakthi? – To know about the importance of the guru/god

What happens later? This is yet another beautiful question which indeed must be answered. The first step is to know, as explained above, that we are not qualified. Thereafter, whatever we do, we have to do every act for them and surrender at their feet.